Chris Sutterfield

English

February 1, 2001

When Daddy Grew Up

The speaker in Neil Bower’s poem, Driving Lessons is a grown man reflecting on his childhood. His memories are somewhat nostalgic, but they are mostly reminders of tense, awkward situations in his childhood. He mentions the time when his parents taught him how to drive a car. It is the typical scenario: his father is anxious and impatient while his mother is steady and calm. “My father clenching with the grinding gears, finally giving up and leaving my mother to…say repeatedly, ‘Once more. Try just once more.’” Another not-so-good memory is when the speaker’s mother walked out on the family. They followed her down the street in the car as she walked off to her new and free life. They eventually convinced her to get in and they went home as a reunited family. The connection between these two memories is vital to the point the author is trying to convey in this poem. The memories reflect the way the man is feeling now as an adult. During the driving lesson he had no particular place to go and was just following the rules. “Slow maneuvers out beyond the light-poles, no destination, just the ritual of clutch and gas.” I think because he has grown tiresome and feels so lost in his own little world that he wants to be out wandering free—just like his mother wanted. “My stillborn other life…wants to be just like her, far away and gone forever.” As many adults approach middle age, the fear of not being a success brings rise to discontentment in their way of life. Not unlike the man in the poem, most adults feeling this way wish for a change in their lifestyle, but many are too scared to take the risk.

My father went through a “mid-life crisis” as did the speaker in the poem, except my dad took the risk and jeopardized his own sense of self-worth and his reputation within his work world. My dad was a preacher man and always will be. He was a minister in the Holiness Church until I was in the eighth grade. This was a major turning point for my father because he left the denomination. The Holiness Church was not a bad experience for my dad, but over time he came to believe differently than the leaders of the church. This difference of beliefs caused a lot of friction between the church board and my dad, which made him feel like he had been doing the wrong thing his whole life by being involved in the Holiness Church. He felt like he had wasted half of his life. He came to the realization that he could do no more good where he was, so he left. It was not an easy thing to do because that was where he was comfortable. It was a bittersweet moment when my family moved from the life we had known for so long and set out for a new life. “It was a scene to break your heart or make you laugh.” My family, especially my father, had not completely let go of the past. But how does one let go of the past when it is his life?

Moving to a new city gave my family a new mindset. We blossomed as a family into something beautiful that is hard to describe with words. We knew freedom like we had never known before- freedom to be ourselves without being condemned. My dad probably had the hardest time adapting to our new life. As a middle-aged man, he was starting a job that was completely foreign to him. He was a tire salesman. My dad was no longer the secure, confident man that I knew him to be. I watched his self-esteem sink lower and lower. I felt helpless in the situation, even though I understood what was happening; I knew this was something my dad had to get through on his own. In a few years he found a job as an English teacher in a private school. This was an important step in my dad’s life. He took pride in his job because he knew he was capable and qualified for this task. From this point on, it seemed like my dad was on a long, uphill climb over his feelings of self-worthlessness. As Bowers says, “the shaggy past keeps loping behind, sniffing every turn.” My dad was a late bloomer in our family but when he did, it was something that was visible to all of us. We could tell when he truly loved himself again and when he knew that he had made the right decision for his life.

The irony of this story is that shortly after my father had overcome his struggles and was happy with his life, he was offered a job to be a preacher in a brand new church. It was my dad’s dream job, but he didn’t know if he should leave the happy life that he and my mother have made just to start all over again. It looked too good to pass up. The new church was a different denomination, one in which he would be appreciated and respected. So he did it again, but this time he’s taking a risk and he knows he’s bound for success. In one week I will have the pleasure of watching my adventuresome parents take-off for a whole new life. Once again they will overcome the fears of change.